With 4 more months left to go until I can expect the birth of my second child, I often lapse into a state of worry and thought-induced-stress. I tend to start thinking about all those sleep-deprived nights that I will have to spend once again in tending to the basic needs of this baby.
I know that I will take everything upon myself, hating to wake my husband who will have to face a full day at work or my mother who definitely needs her rest. And ensnared in the web of these anxious thoughts, I worry that it is going to be winter, and hence a time for colds and fevers and infections. I imagine being caught up between diaper changes and feedings and comforting an extremely cranky toddler back to the comfort of sleep, only to repeat the whole process again. And I will be the first one to greet the morning, after a long and lonely night.
These thoughts scare me no end....the physical challenges of dealing with a newborn. I have always been so eccentric about getting enough sleep, and that I cannot be a good mother without it. How then will I function during those months and after, I wonder despairingly.
In the midst of my intense rumination......from a place forgotten, a voice bubbles to the periphery of my erstwhile thoughts, straining to be heard.....relax.....calm down.....loosen yourself from the grip of your mind....
Somehow I find the strength to heed. I let it take over and quiet a bit.....through the voice I see what I have missed seeing all along....that for every type of perception there is in this world, there is at least one other better way to see it yet. I begin to understand that what has to be faced, has to be faced. But it can be faced with grace and a calm strength. And that grace and strength is acquired through constant discipline, which has to be acquired now when there is still time to prepare.
I will have to fortify myself through the power of prayer, practice of gentle thought and meditation, and build up all my reserves, such that when I need it, it aids me in quick succession.
I also remember the power and beauty of service. This I have yet to practice fully in my life, but that opportunity is ever present in each day that is born, and it is presenting itself once more 4 months down the line. One might think, what is the big service in caring for your own child....your own flesh and blood....but I am coming to understand that if this care is approached in the spirit of service, it can be a most divine experience.
In my experience as a parent so far, I have faced the difficulty of putting my child's needs and wants before my own. This is very difficult in the practice of everyday life. Setting aside my own book, or time on the PC in preference to reading Akhil his book or playing with him......hanging up on an interesting conversation with a friend, and listening to him instead....reading a favorite book for the 100th time in a row(!!!!), putting on his Preeti Sagar rhymes tape on, instead of my latest CD that I have been dying to listen to......trying to get him to bed fast so I can sneak back downstairs and watch a movie on a weekend night.....getting annoyed with his fussiness at night and irritable because of my broken sleep.....there have been too many instances to count.
That is what is making me realise now.....that if I choose to look at it in a different way.....child-bearing and parenting can be an intensely spiritual experience.....it is truly about dedicating your life to make better, the life of another. It is about investing your love, thoughts and deeds to the shaping of another and enabling him to tread the path of love through your own gentle example. It is akin to taking his innate nature (his karma) and nurturing it with care to help him realise good deeds and good thoughts in this present life.
Is it not a wonder then what a big responsibility we are all shouldering as parents? Is it not all the more important then that we remain ever aware of this duty, and live our lives in Consciousness of this truth?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
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7 comments:
It could not possibly be any one else but you to have put such complex thoughts in such simple lucid words. I understand perfectly what you are talking about. I have had the same thoughts running in my head, though not with the baby, but with my life in general. And I can vouch for the fact that when looked at spiritually, the stress factor automatically goes out. You begin to enjoy what you are doing and realize that these are acts of karma that we all have to do. I am sure your keen mind and the mother's instinct in you will get you across this milestone in life as well. When you look at it after 3 years, you will wonder that one was simple, compared to what lies ahead. Such is life. Prayers and wishes from my end to your health and happiness. Take care.
Tara,
I know you will go by ur experience during Akhil's time & by book;-) still I will say don't be too hard on yourself. Just go with the flow. Don't stick to rules too hard this time. If you break few rules & get ur good night sleep, its all worth it.
You know both of my kids sleep with us so initially we never had problem of one kid waking up crying & th eother one was up because of that cuz as soon as my daughter start to cry,hubby use to hug A tight and this made him go to sleep the very second. So maybe this time try to keep baby with u for a long time or until u thing he is comfortable sleeping alone otherwise u will have 2 cranky babies at home;-)
And about Akhil being cranky, not to worry. You will see how easy he will adjust to this. A got very responsible since the birth of my daughter. Sometimes I used to let my dau cry for few seconds while holding him or doing something with him & he himself used to tell me to pick her up. Of course I had to put it in his mind that mommy has to take care of the baby when she is crying. So start talking to Akhil now.
Again, you know me & how I deal with everything;-) so its my opinion. No matter how you will handle everything it will be just fine. You will have all these doubts until after the baby but once you are home alone with both kids you will do just fine, I KNOW THAT:-)
And don't forget we all are here with you. You can send Akhil to my place, he can go to school with A;-)
Ohh forgot to mention, my ways are just my silly ways & you remember how nish used to take care of her daughters. Reading her mails never made me feel that she was taking care of 2 kids. Maybe she can give you a tip or 2. And I think she used to go by book too.
talk to her and you will be tension free:-)
:o)we're walking the same road... but you know what... i am not so scared.. considering i have one 16 month old who is still a handful. i know i will be a much calmer mother this time around. not hyper about sterilization, timings, ferberization... nothing. i am going to enjoy this time around.. first baby enjoyed being a novelty... second will enjoy a calmer set of parents... i hope!!! all the best.. we always have each other to fall back on when the going gets tough!!!
Wonderful post. I enjoyed reading it and even with one child it is a nice post for me to read. Even when my mom tells me to have one more child I have these similar thoughts and I really feel this knot in my stomach at how on earth I can manage two and how my life has to be put on hold that much longer...
Good luck with your pregnancy and delivery. Am sure you have the strength in you to handle two very well!
You know Tharini, I've always believed in the age old adage
"When God puts you in any particular situation in life, he also gives you enough vigor and verve to thrive and succeed".
All the same, I can so very relate to your thoughts right now. I had enough doubts of my own and I even remember posting them on the IP board.
Just take it as it comes and go with the flow.
And trust me when I say this it is a lot more of fun with the second baby around.
One, because we know exactly what we are dealing with having gone thru it once. We are not exactly stepping into the unknown.
Two, cos the sheer joy, pleasure and delight that one gets from watching both the siblings bond is beyond depiction - i just cannot adequately portray the same in words.
Yes, physically it is more of a strain on the parents, more so the mother, but somewhere along the way, it all gets pushed to the periphery.
All the dilemmas, the predicaments that used to erstwhile haunt, somehow end up being marginal notes around the end of the page :-)
And yes, what Balaji has said is so very true - looking at it maybe 3-4 years down the line (like I am doing now :-) ) you do wonder .....
All the very best !!
I wonder if you'll even read this comment since this is such an old post, I have just been introduced to your blog recently and still reading stuff from the archives... this is such a beautiful post, I shall always try and remember it when I have my own babies...
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