Let's start at the very beginning....

...a very good place to start!

A long time ago...or so it seems...when all the engagement stories were doing their rounds in our corner of the blogosphere, a secret society came into being. For it seemed that all the stories had alarmingly high levels of the R factor (romance!) present in them, and some kind of balance had to be struck and quickly...else it was a very real threat to the very foundation of Practical Society.

And thus a society was formed in the comments corridoor of this post by Kodi's Mom. The Green Sulk club. And due to the very strict and stringent policies (based on the said R factor, of course!), the membership was restricted to only 3 particular members. Me, her, and her. And just when we were celebrating the founding of this club and waving our green flags up high...Kodi's mom threw us the challenge to write our own stories. Commit them to public spaces and let them be judged for their green sulks' worth, she said. So be it. We took it up in true Green Sulk spirit and then, promptly went into hibernation. It was a very careful and studied move, designed to give ample time for the R factor levels to come down sufficiently enough, for us to release the power of the B component. (B = boring! Also code word for un-romantic, not enough sizzle and dazzle, etc etc etc!) And now, that time has finally come. And the Green Sulks will HAVE THEIR SAY!!!!

***********************************

Winkie was born in June 2003 and Thambi in Jan 2007. But the real beginning dates back to June 2000. When the promise of them first came to life.

I was living in Bahrain with my parents at the time. I came home from work one fine day, and my Dad showed me an email that had arrived from my aunt (his sister), containing family particulars of a boy and also a photograph. R's. Apparently, she and R's aunt, met in our native village on one of their visits back and got into a conversation which went along the usual lines. And in the process, they both discovered that there was an eligible niece and nephew on either side. And so, the horoscopes got exchanged and matched once they returned to Chennai.

We scored a 7 out of 10, if I am not mistaken. :) And as it turned out, R's mother and my aunt's husband knew each other from childhood, but had lost touch over the years. So, the family on both sides were very excited by all these developments. A well matching set of horoscopes and an already existing acquaintance! So when my aunt sent forward the details over email, her excitement and involvement in the matter was obvious.

I looked at R's picture and saw a pleasant smile on a baby face. He looked soooo young. Too young to be the 26 he was supposed to be at the time. There were no more thoughts at my end for that time. My Dad duly sent forth a picture from our side too. But alas, he never resized it for a smaller jpeg, and instead sent a huge bmp file, which loaded pixel by pixel on a slow dial up connection at R's end. And the only thing prominent to R in the time it took to view the whole picture, was a supposedly large nose. And he wasn't interested. Aha! His mom pounced on him immediately and insisted that a picture reveals nothing whatsoever about a person and some people just look better in real life than in a photograph. So he better not judge something based on this one lone picture. R was in a fix. Next was my FIL's turn to reason more gently with him and he tried convincing him that I didn't look as bad as all that and he shouldn't make up his mind from one picture. This is a great family. Maybe we can ask for another photograph?

And so came the request on email asking for another photo. I had been wearing a salwar in the first one, and so my Uncle and Aunt mistakenly presumed that perhaps the groom's side was looking for a more traditional picture of the girl. And so came the request for a picture, in a saree this time. Ugh! If there was anything I hated, it was posing in a saree for a photograph for this purpose. It just felt soooo typical and I bristled under it. But I am nothing if not a dutiful daughter and so I went with the drill. The picture was taken, scanned and sent. And he still couldn't make up his mind. And he didn't want to have to meet me in person only to say no. He had decided for himself that whoever he met first, should be the one that he moves forward with. Thinking back, I can imagine the kind of icky situation he was in. Here he was convinced that he wasn't interested in me, and there was his family, convinced that if only he met me, he would change his mind.

My aunt and uncle were very very decided that I should come down right away and that he would feel differently when we met face to face. In a phone conversation, my uncle told my Dad that if it were his daughter, he would not hesitate for a second. This family is excellent. He was right. So I come home 2-3 days after first setting my eyes on his picture, and my parents are buzzing busily about the house, making calls, sounding excited. They pounced on me the minute I stepped into the house and said...they want to see you. We have booked you on a flight tomorrow.

I was...well...shocked is not the beginning of it. But I was. With the suddenness with which everything was happening around me. What started off as an innocuous email had suddenly disrupted the easy pattern of my life and my thoughts. I was nervous at the thought of facing something like this on my own, not looking forward to be put on the spot, and in an odd way, also a little excited at what seemed like a sudden adventure. It just took on a surreal movie like quality, and I was just floating into the reel and getting led by the script. I went to the travel agent with my Dad to go buy the tickets. And then my parents left the house again to get some other last minute stuff done and left me at home to do my packing. When they left, the house suddenly seemed silent. My sister was away in India in a hostel and my little brother was the only one home with me. He looked at me and gave me an odd smile and didn't know what to say. I called up a friend of mine and talked about the recent developments. And somewhere in the midst of all that, I managed to pack a few clothes.

I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to wear when I was to meet R and his family. I am not a very traditional traditional person and my mind balked at the prospect of any formal silk sarees. Again...just too typical for my taste. But my mom insisted I carry at least 1 silk saree and manage the rest there borrowing from my aunts and cousins. I didn't even have any blouses stitched or anything like that. I didn't carry any jewels, because they were all lying in the locker and it was already night, and my flight left at 9:00 AM the next morning. Anyways, after all the packing, a tension filled dinner, and lots of words and advice later, I fell into an exhausted slumber.

The next morning, my parents left for work at 6:45. My Dad's best friend, and in some ways, even mine, was to drop me to the airport. I don't know what we must have talked along the way, but one thing he said to me, I will never forget. He said...just because your parents are spending the money on a ticket to send you all the way to meet this guy, does not mean you are under pressure to say yes. This is totally your decision and think over it carefully.

I knew this very well. My father had told me pretty much the same thing. I didn't feel under any pressure whatsoever. Just the same feeling of surreality, and floating along to the tune of Fate. I spent most of the 5 hour flight reading a book which I had started a few weeks ago. The name is what is so coincidental. Even now it makes it smile. Vikram Seth's...A suitable boy. At the time, it just felt like the story of my life.

When I landed at Chennai airport, 2 people were there to receive me. One, my uncle who was to take me home with him, and the other, my grandfather...Mom's Dad, who was just delighted at the prospect of seeing his eldest granddaughter, and came all the way to the airport, even though we spoke only for about 15 min. He promised to come over on the D-day. On the drive back home, my Uncle told me bits and pieces about R and his family. I guess what impressed me most about them was the fact that my in-laws had lived out of the country for a better part of their life. I felt this was important to me, since it mirrored my own background, and perhaps it meant that we may have more in common?

When we reached home, I was ensconced by my aunt, Grandma and my cousins. They were all excited and upbeat about everything. And my aunt just kept boasting how R would do an about turn once he saw me, how this family was so decent, how we had similar roots etc etc. I must say that I felt really happy in this cosy love that they had wrapped me in. All their hopes rested on me for sure, but it was nice to be a source of their pleasure also. My father's side of the family has not been especially harmonious with each other. There have been so many frictions between the family members, that it has ended up in making them a little wary of each other. But this occasion is one in which they all came together in such happy spirits after a long time, and I was utterly charmed by it.

My MIL, had in the meantime called up my aunt and told her that I needn't be formally attired and that a simple saree that I could be comfortable in would do. Boy was I relieved to hear that. It was an answer to one of my prayers. The day I landed was June 21st. One the 22nd, I set off with my young cousin to my other aunt's house to borrow her DIL's saree for the occasion and some jewellery, since she was of the same build and frame as me. That trip, in itself, was such fun. Delving into her wardrobe to determine what would be just right, my cousins on the bed watching me traipse around, exclaiming which one looked better on my colouring, and then choosing a dark green mysore silk saree with a thin gold jari border. My aunt then helping me to a beautiful gold necklace set with green emeralds. It sounds heavy but it was actually very simple and understated. Just my thing. And then putting the whole look together amidst a lot of teasing and ribbing. It was such a time of pleasure and the excitement of it all finally caught up with me. And I was all eager to meet R and his family. Okaaay...to meet R!

I don't think I slept too well that night. I was all keyed up and getting nervous. Usually the anticipation of something is a lot more killing than the actual event. It was true in this case. 23rd June dawned bright and sultry as always in Madras. And once lunch was over, everyone at home got busy with cleaning up the house. My aunt and grandma pottered away in the kitchen making aloo bondas and rawa kesari to be served with steaming cups of filter coffee in tumbler and davara. Typical, I know. Every part of this whole thing was! My cousin and I dusted and polished away, till my aunt finally put a stop to things and ordered me to go take a nap. Such pleasant orders! Not that I could sleep in that 1 hour. And I gave up all pretense of it and finally woke up around 3:00 Pm to sip luxuriously on my Patti's filter coffee. For those few minutes, we all sat around on the sofa and talked about what was going to come up in a couple of hours.

After that, I went in for a shower and when I emerged, I was surprised and delighted to see my all time favorite cousin, who had come with my 3rd aunt (all my Dad's sisters) and their live-in help. Now she (the help) is amazing in tying a saree and I am very very fond of her, so seeing her there was a big boost to my nerves, which were a little frazzled by this point. She did a fantastic job in a matter of minutes and had me from feeling inept and awkward in those 6 yards of fabric to natural and graceful. A feeling I will always savour. I dressed very lightly and as casually as possible. And then we waited. They were supposed to come at 5:30, but the clock kept ticking and ticking. At first, it was nice to just sit around and relax with the conversation floating about, but then the waiting and the tension got to everyone little by little.

Notable to mention at this point is the number of people who turned up for this simple casual first time meeting between boy and girl. Let's see. There was of course my matchmaking aunt, uncle, and 2 cousins. Then my oldest aunt, her daughter (my fave. cousin) and their help; my second aunt and uncle. My father's brother. My grandfather. That made it about 11 people from my family. And on R's side, there were his parents, brother, uncle and aunt. 5. 11+5=16. So you can imagine how many cups of coffee would have gone around that day!

R and his family finally turned up at around 6:30. My cousin brother was sent on his cycle to patrol the end of the street, looking for their vehicle. And so we knew they had come when he came rushing up to tell us. You can imagine the feeling of nervous excitement that was in the air and on everyone's face. I was instructed to stay put in the room. They would call for me later. Another ugh! Why couldn't I just be one among them receiving the guests...I thought. But I stayed there anyways, and could hear the voices from downstairs. 10-15 minutes may have passed. My cousins came hurrying up the stairs to excitedly tell me that they had seen HIM and described what he was wearing. In their estimation he had received a resounding THUMBS UP! I was encouraged by that...that he didn't look like an outright fright in person. Somehow, even if you have seen a photo, you have this deep down fear that a person will look even worse in real life. They went down again, promising to come back with more details about him. But the next time they came into the room, was to call me downstairs. It was time to make an appearance. Oh dear!

I smoothed my saree once more, patted my hair in place and went downstairs. My aunt's eager and anxious face greeted me first. She ushered me into the living room, which was a sea of people and faces. In that moment of tension, I could, for a moment, not make out who was who among my own relatives and it seemed that everyone was checking me out. Even my own family, who was seeing me through the eyes of R and his family. As a prospective bride. Did I look right? Did I walk right? Was it pleasing? I felt the pressure!! I looked around the room. And I found R. Sitting on the sofa, looking very relaxed and smiling brightly. Yes, it was definitely a smile. And a very warm and friendly one. It instantly set me at ease. I sat next to my cousin and the chatter started again. Everyone talked to everybody else and I chatted with my cousin, not knowing what else to do. My FIL was the first to talk to me. We chatted about something in general and I guess he tried to put me at ease. R continued to smile. Was it at my nose??
As he later revealed, the smile was at the sense of relief he felt on seeing me. That I looked quite normal and pleasant, as opposed to the horrific images he had conjured up on seeing that huge bmp file. Ha!

My uncle suggested then that we retire to the other room to chat between ourselves. R almost protested saying, it was not really necessary (can you believe the guy?), but I firmly lead the way. It was more than a little awkward and that was the first thing I said to him...that I was really ill at ease and he smiled and said he was a little awkward too, but let's relax now, shall we?

Easier said than done...but then we started talking. I don't remember every single thread of conversation. Just bits and pieces. Some of them outright silly.

R : So, are you okay with all of this?

Me : *wow, this is the big question* Yeah. I guess I am. How about you?

R : Yes. *smile*

We must have talked a few other lines in between...and then...

R : Do you believe in God?

Me : *surprised and thoughtful*....Yes. I do. Very very much. But I don't believe in public displays of faith. I believe within my heart and am very private about it.

R : *nodding understandingly*

Again....moving onto other things, I think...when I got silly and told him that I wear contact lenses, like it had some great bearing on his decision making. He smiled and accepted it with amusement, saying it was ok with him. And then some talk of me having an international driver's liscense. And then 10 minutes of conversation in all, and he asks...

So, shall we go down now?

Me : *disappointed*...Yeah sure.

And as we walk out and down the stairs...his aunt and my aunt, the main matchmakers, are talking at the bottom of the stairs and they pounce on us as soon as they see us. My aunt accosts me eagerly and asks...So? Do you like him?

Yes. I say. Pretty simple.

His aunt grabs hold of his sleeve and insists that he tell her his decision right away. Okay... he says in a simple word. And that is that. Everyone has come into the passage by now and looking at us smilingly. Pleased as a punch expressions. Beaming at me, and I feel the goodwill in the room, and somehow, I know I have done the right thing. If my action could give so much of happiness to so many people, there must be something right about it. Looking back, 10 minutes of conversation could tell me nothing about him, other than the fact that he was not much of a talker. So I rested all my hopes and faith on that one single question he had asked me...Do you believe in God? Physically, he was pleasant to look at. His manners were gentle and there was nothing outrightly wrong with him to say no for. But the real truth of the matter was that I really was bowled over by his parents. I can't pinpoint the reason why, but that's how it was. I knew that life with anyone would be about compromises and adjustment, so why not R, whom everyone was so excited about.

I guess it was the same thought and reasoning for him as well. It was always on his mind that the first person he meets should be the person he ended up with, because he didn't have it in him to say no to any person after meeting with them. And fortunately, it turned out that way in our case.

I was asked to sing a song by my MIL. Again, a very typical scenario. But there is a history for this. My in-laws run a music school and are very much into carnatic music, so they had the fond wish of at least hearing my voice in song, even if I was not an accomplished singer. My cousin gave me company and together we did sing. And if you must know the song...it was the Chand chupa baadal mein from Hum dil de chuke sanam. I passed that test as well. Soon after that, they left. It was wierd to see them off at the door and wave bye to someone whom I had met as a complete stranger, and was now to be my betrothed!! Totally totally unreal. Also exciting. But mostly unreal.

My FIL decided there should be an engagement before we could both leave. So hurried arrangements were made at his end. We only had some shopping to do. 2 days later, on June 25th, 2000....me and R got engaged on the terrace of his apartment building, under the starry sky. It was a very beautiful affair. In that short span of 1 day, they had managed to invite family, shop for a saree and jewels for me, arrange for caterers and set up the terrace for the function. My father's brother took the place of my father, and carried on the formalities. None of my immediate family was there...not my parents, nor my brother nor my sister, thanks to the whirlwind pace at which everything happened.

R was to leave for the States on 26th afternoon. I went to the airport to see him off, and again, it was an unreal feeling. That so much of my life and emotions would be invested in this stranger of a person, who was flying far away. The wedding date was set for 7 months later, in which time we got to know each other a little better. He was never much of a phone, mail or chat person, but he did take efforts to do all 3. He called regularly every week and we would speak for an hour. But somehow, no matter, how much you talk, you never really get to know a person unless you start living with them. And what I have found out in these 7 years is enough to sustain me for the rest of my life. Happily.