As you believe, so shall it be!

One of the hardest things I find about the act of disciplining my children, is b.e.l.i.e.v.i.n.g that they are capable of better behavior. It is so easy and automatic to get into the whole power struggle aspect of discipline and absolute power corrupts absolutely. At that very moment, when I am caught up in my dealing with Winkie or Thambi, I find myself laying down the law quite firmly, toeing in the line of what is acceptable from them and what is simply not. But, I also get carried away in the negative wave of that power, forgetting that discipline should be with Love, even in its firmness and kind even in its strictness.

At that moment, it becomes sooooo.. much about how I am being defied, and how my position of authority is being undermined, and caught up in these emotions, I don't actually believe that they are capable of better things. Even as I tell Winkie to listen to what I am saying, I don't actually believe him capableof it. And even as I tell Sathya for the nth time to clean up after his toys, I don't believe that he would listen to me and do what he is supposed to.

And when I don't believe, they don't believe it either. And when they don't believe, we get into an even more vicious cycle of corrupting power enforcement, and a blatant disregard of instructions, making it even more impossible to have that respectful relationship.

I long for that respectful relationship. I know I can be pretty idealistic at times, but I believe it is wholly possible to have respect in our dealings with our children, which will ultimately reflect and resound back to us, in their dealings with us.

I have been mulling over this for a long time now, and am more keenly aware of when I fall into the judgement trap these days. And it has made me take to positive affirmation and visualisation as a means to keep the love flowing, regardless of the outcome. It is very very hard to do and requires superhuman effort at times, but when applied with sincere devotion, the results are quite startling. Mind you, these have been simple efforts, and there is no big drama involved in the way it pans out, and sometimes, the results are not exactly as your vision, but there is always a.l.w.a.y.s good feelings resulting from it.

For instance, Winkie has recently, started taking his progress in math facts very seriously. He is pitting himself against some of his friends in school, and comparing his level with theirs to keep motivated and work harder. I was quite surprised at this, because we have never pushed him to compete, and if anything, I have been trying to drill it into him that he needs to compare with his own previous performance rather than an external factor, but for now, he is driven about it from this angle. He comes home to make me time him for extra practice, to help his cause in school. And I have been enjoying all of this with a sort of amused, laid back air, the attitude of which I like in myself. But I digress.

Now, every morning as he leaves for school, I have taken to whispering sweet affirmations in his ear. If he is wearing a hat on a cold spring day, I pull it aside and whisper, such that my breath tickles his ear, and he giggles but he loves to listen to what I am saying. I feel like this is a great way to help him tune in to ME and tune out everything else. And this is what I say :

Winkie, today you will have a greeeeeeaaaat day in school. You will do so well that you will get a positive performer's certificate for good behavior. You will get 37 in math facts (minimum is 34 to cross to the next level), and you will come back home and show me your certificate and tell me you made it to the next level. You will enjoy your lunch, and finish all of it and it will make you strong and whole. Have a FANTASTIC day! Okay??

Okay!!!! he says emphatically and with this surging confidence that marks itself in his determined but happy stride out the door. He goes out like a champ and I love watching him from behind when he swaggers like that. I love that positive note on which we left our last interaction of the morning. And I love it when he comes home waving his certificate and showing me the 37 that he got!

But let's face reality too, while we're at it. It doesn't happen everytime. I don't even know what the odds of our success has been, and somehow it's  not that important. When he gets a 33, I tell him he's going to ace it tomorrow. When the certificate is missing from his folder, he knows that he will try harder and his teacher will notice better the next day. And when lunches come, not fully finished, sometimes not even half way, we don't bat an eyelid anymore. Waste not, is the policy and as long as the food is not spoilt (and it isn't), we warm it up and eat it before the formal snack. 

So things are a work in progress, but the biggest takeaway is the good feelings of it all. Positive affirmation is a belief in yourself. To affirm positively, you have to have that basic love for yourself and the person who is receiving it.


Extending this same philosophy to those heated moments of confrontation is proving much much harder, and a huge work in progress for me. But you know what they say...as you believe, so shall it be! So here's my positive affirmation for the day...

"The next time conflict arises, I am going to remember to b.e.l.i.e.v.e. The boys will feel my belief, and they will believe too. And we shall resolve whatever it is, very very amicable. We will be smiling at the end!"

:)

If this isn't God...

..then what is?

"Let Me be your inspiration.

Let Me think your thoughts for you.

Let Me say your words for you.

Let Me choose to hear the words for you.

Let Me do all the chores for you.

Why carry all these burdens,

When I am there to take them for you.

Let Me be the doer of all your karmas.

One duty lies with you,

Without which I am helpless.

The duty of calling upon Me

To take these burdens.

Once you have done this,

The burdens fall on Me,

And My Grace falls on you."

This was the divine message for the day and I read it twice for how beautiful and inspiring it was. How simple life becomes when the only thing we have to do is ask for His help. And as much as it touched me and opened one of the petals of the love in my heart, I didn't expect to see a demonstration quite so soon.

The details are not significant so a sketch will suffice. But after a particularly intense encounter of ego against ego and the building resentment after that, it was very hard to find composure, leave alone equanimity. And usually, I get into the indulgent self-pity mode quite easily and have quite a picnic with it, but this time, I just didn't want to go there.

When am I ever going to learn to handle it in the true way of love, if I keep making the same mistakes over and over?..I thought. My reformation has to be NOW, or its never!

I have always realised the truth of certain things on hindsight, but never before have I felt the desire to do the right thing, just at that precise moment when it was needed. And the most wondrous thing that emerged from this single thought was strength....and resolve...and remembrance. To ask for His help. And bogged down as I was by my chaotic mind, it made the entreaty that much more pure and sincere. Funny, how when you're sincere, truly sincere...not many words are required. The energy coming from your heart carries all your intention in these steady waves towards the Divine.

When I paused, I remembered to ask. When I asked, it came from the deepest place in my heart. And when my heart connected with my Maker, the channel was immediately open for His Grace to pour. And how it did!!! The tears came, just like with every other time, but this time they were the melted equivalent of my previously hardened Ego. Its like the Love, that burning, flaming Love, so warm and so strong, just lit up my Ego from within, causing layers of it to melt and pour out of my face through my eyes. This went on for about 2-3 straight minutes and controlling it would have been sheer agony.

And then, just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. I searched inside for more tears :), but I was done. Within, there was now nothing, but an emptiness of peace. Where you feel nothing...no anger, no resentment, no frustration, not even that coursing happiness that made those tears flow. It was just a beautiful silence.

And as I recovered from that silence (this part happens a lot more swiftly than I'd like, because the mind begins its thoughts again)...I realized that I had just lived what I had read, and He had just delivered what He had promised. And if this is not God, then what is? That potent power within you, that can cover the entire arc of 360 degrees from seething anger, to absolute silence, in the wake of which, you are a soft mush of love and understanding and peace and non-violence. How can God be explained any other way?

The 5-a-day!

Numbers are great, aren't they? Somehow, they have the capacity to pack power into any statement, even more than mere words alone. Just imagine...if I were to tell you...

I've lost some weight recently.

contrasted with...

I've lost 10 lbs in the last 6 weeks!!

What gets your attention more?

Don't answer that, I already know! :D And that's exactly how I felt when I saw the 5-a-day principle at work between my friend and her 4 kids. Now I knew the recommendation of the "certain" number of servings of fruits and veggies a day per kid. Okayyyyyy, so the number is 5, and though that's a number to begin with, it didn't sink in to me with any emphasis, until I saw the fun way it was applied in their household.

She had taught the kids to do the math themselves and keep tracking of how many servings of f's and v's they were having throughout the day, with a minimum target of 5! And the very success of this application was evident in the way the kids exclaimed to me one day, over spring break...

We had 15 yesterday!!

15!!!!????!!!! They were thrilled with the flabbergasted look on my face and what followed what a delightful game of memory and math, and taking notes on the ingenious way in which my friend had worked in all those extra servings, making it a day of multi-veggie soups and multi-veggie salads and fruit snacks for all those times in between meals.

I was terribly inspired and began the same initiative at home. It will be a while more before Thambi catches on, but for now, Winkie's on fire with it. Where before, I would have given him some wholegrain cereal for breakfast, now I add 1/2 a fruit into the mix. We are not going exactly with the standard serving size, but rather what is a Winkie serving size. Which is, everytime he eats a fruit or finishes his veggie mixed into meals, that counts as 1 serving.

For instance, the day before, we did 6. 1/2 a fruit with breakfast, a banana for snack at school, the veggie component of his lunch, another fruit alongwith his evening snack, and the veggie component of dinner, alongwith baby carrots on the side. He likes the game so much that he takes responsibility for reaching his quota, reminding me often of the number he's at so far. And where before, I carried a vague daily idea that I'd cooked healthy for the kids, now I have the surety that with 5-a-day, he is definitely getting enough of what he needs.

Do you practice the 5-a-day at home? What other tricks do you have up your sleeve? This is the time to brag about it! So write in and I promise to take notes and shake my head admiringly, at your creative sneak-nesses....or you can write in and shake your head admiringly @ mine!!! :D

[For an actual recommendation on how much you and yours should be having, here's the official word on it!]

The Simple Pleasures Challenge!

I am part of a mailing list group, where we get one challenge delivered to our mailbox everyday. Simple things many a times, that we can do as part of a formal challenge, to have a feeling of some accomplishment by overcoming that procrastination that many of us suffer from.

Well, long story short, today's challenge was to think about and share the simple pleasures of our life. It made me smile, because in many ways, that is what Winkie's Way has been about for me. Stopping to think about those simple things that really make me happy. Today, I want to pause again, for my challenge, and think of a few that really connect with me today, as I am...

1. The weather is warm with that slight nip in the air. The season is spring. The mood is a quiet ecstasy. The scene is the driveway, where I lounge on my easy chair with a book in my hands, watching the boys make merry with every simple thing they can lay their hands on. This feeling is a simple pleasure...

2. Having a whole new CD of bhajans to listen to, and sing loudly with, in the car, and suddenly we are enjoying a mini-family satsang, right then...right there...

3. Watching American Idol with Winkie, hearing his opinions on who he thinks would win, telling him about my favorites, and enjoying the music with volume on max and the boom box on!

4. Watering all the plants, and watch the dry soil change color from light to dark, as it drinks up its sustenance.

5. That feeling immediately after a shower, when your skin tingles from the treat of flowing water, and washes everything away, making you so decidedly comfortable in your own skin!

6. After all the effort of shopping for the weekly vegetables, and that extra step of putting it away, those few seconds when you can stare at your freshly stocked fridge, cooking up a range of possibilities right there in your mind...ahhhh, the pleasure of it!

7. That moment when Thambi is tired, and decides to listen to his body, and he asks to be held, so he can lay his head on my shoulder and fall asleep...its the simplest, sweetest, most peaceful pleasure there is...

8. That twilight instant at bedtime, when the boys finally tire of all their energy and settle into their little inner cocoons, and I finally hear the silence that I have yearned for and earned...and soaking up that silence, and the soft light from the bedside lamp to read just a few pages of my book, before sleep becomes possessive and asks for me...

9. When I hang the clothes to dry, that little snap of the wrists to straighten out the garment, the sounds of it as it snips through the air crackling the energy, and watching that garment conform to the line so perfectly....its my own personal meditation!

10. Watching the growing pile of books Winkie has finished reading, and even more than that, watching the very act of his absorption between the pages of his current interest....sensing his own personal meditation...now that is a pleasure!

Thursday, the 1st of April, 2010

The title of this post is today's date, and it is so for a reason. I will tell you why.

When I wrote about my recent 5-day fast, it was just to share a highlight of the transformation in my life. After all, that is what my blog is for. But I did not anticipate your level of interest and enthusiasm in wanting to learn more about what I did. I expected the curiosity, certainly, but also sensed that small desire within each of you, who emailed me and commented here, to take a step to make your life a better one. That small desire might remain as it is, or it could kindle to a bigger flame, and that is not for me to decide. My responsibility has been to present the information of what I undertook in a comprehensive, helpful and concise manner that will throw light, answer your doubts and enhance your understanding. And that is what I, together with my friend and mentor, AquaGirl, have been working towards for the past 2 weeks, and which is now available today, the 1st of April, 2010.

There have been numerous phone-calls, even more numerous emails, additional ideas to enhance the content, involvement of our spouses for the more dispassionate feedback and lots of guidance from The Pioneer, who is certainly the one that started it all, by initiating AquaGirl on this path. But preceding all of this, is the Divine Grace of the Lord, who has orchestrated all these set of events, in a single chain reaction, favoring us with divine benediction signaling that we begin this enterprise in the first place, and seeing it through to what we think is a professional website.

You, my dear Reader, will be the judge of that. So please do us the honor of visiting 5 days with H2O, and sharing in the details of our journey. It would be wonderful to see your comments there, as a little reward to our expectant hearts, in the wake of our hard work, every minute of which we enjoyed.

Thank you for reading this, for reading me and supporting me with your words in everything I have done! Love you guys!

-T!