Sunday, December 04, 2011

34...

Yesterday was the day I crossed over to begin the 35th year of my life. Continuing along the lines of basic, I was not wound up for this in any particular way. Rather, I just...r.e.a.l..l.y wanted to have a quieter version of a birthday, with the least fuss. And it did work out that way.

For one, one my my aunts from India called bright and early, and was the first to wish me. And since her call woke me up, I could come down to enjoy 1 full hour of almost solitude before everyone else woke up. Almost because I decided to call and speak to my parents, who were the first ones to greet me the day before, when the day began for them in India. I had a nice long chat with Amma, and felt like a little kid again, as she gave me advice and ideas on a couple of things. It was a very nice feeling, to know that I needed her and to rely on her wisdom instead of my own feet, for a change. It made her happy too, to sense my fleeting moment of normalcy. :)

And then the boys woke up. And came down. And Thambi climbed into my lap, gave me a hug and wished me. Which is probably the only special treatment I got from him, for he is Daddy's boy, and unabashedly so. And that is a whole separate post of woe.

Winkie got out his special card from hiding and gave it to me. It was pretty. Watercolours, yellow and pink blending softly. I could tell he had worked on it with patience and love, but there were some missing details. And as a mother I pointed it out to him. How the cupcake could have used a little detail in the form of outlining, and same with the tree inside, and how my name, and his name was missing, as was a personal message from him. The card was beautiful, and all it needed was that little bit of personal touch to make it truly from his heart to mine. He did sport a little bit of a pouted lip for a while, and tried to squeeze back some tears in his eyes, but it got through, for he took time out to do that and give it back to me. And now I have a card that was truly made for me. It was a tiger mother moment, but it went well. :)

R had his eyebrows raised at this whole exercise, but I stood my ground. It is the little things that make a bigger thing count, and impact. You get the little things right, and you have already told the person, how much you value them. Its all about the effort, isn't it?

And then, just as we were about to head out to watch Hugo in 3D, as a family, a friend, suddenly showed up at the door, and claimed she was there to whisk the boys away, so we could enjoy some adult time. I was in shock the first few minutes, as I contemplated spending a big chunk of my day without my boys, and that bit of sentiment surprised me, for I fancy myself a very non-sentimental person for the most part. :) Winkie wasn't sure he wanted to let go of our plans either, but finally relented, under the cajoling and the certain knowledge of a fun playdate and they both left, and the house was quiet. We grabbed a quick lunch and went to watch something we couldn't have done with the kids. That was rather nice. Followed by some window shopping, which again was so much easier to do without the kids, and some takeout dinner for us all, and the day drew to a close. All too soon, I felt. I could have used a few more hours of feeling like it only belonged to me, so reliving it stretches that fantasy a bit longer....:)

At the end of it all, I guess the one thing that I truly want, which I can symbolise by asking on my birthday, is something that begins with a 'd'. I asked my mother to ask it for me, when they went on their next out of town, remote temple of the boon fulfilling deity. Discipline. I want it, and lots of it. To rein in all my senses to a point where I am in control of it. To act always from a place of deep understanding and peace. To be a part of this world, enough to function in it, but not lose myself in its wildness. To have grace and a smile, no matter what. These are the things I treasure and seek, both within and without. And the only thing that remains to be seen, is whether this coming year will serve as testimony to this transformation, or is even this lifetime of mine, not enough to get there....

15 comments:

Shobha said... Best Blogger Tips

happy birthday! i miss seeing you and your updates. take care and have a beautiful year ahead, t.

ranjani.sathish said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy birthday Tharini and may all your aspirations come true !

Kowsalya Subramanian said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy Birthday Tharini.. I know you are evolving but I don't think I like this quiet Tharini :( :( though I am myself that.

AA_Mom said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy Birthday Tharini.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy Birthday! I know you mean the best for your kids, but isn't telling them to outline a drawing of a cupcake that too on a lovingly made card a conditioning of sorts? A slightly older kid might remember that forever and quite bitterly too.

d said... Best Blogger Tips

happy birthday T!!! as always, i love reading accounts of celebrations at your home. and i so agree with you about the 'little things' and 'the effort'. G is usually at the receiving end, and so usually does not agree :)

Tharini said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks All. :)

Anon : Yeah, in a way it is a conditioning of sorts. Most things are, when you are a parent no. You never quite know which decisions will stick lifelong and which ones will run down their backs like water. And there is no way to control either.

K : Quiet is now in. :)

Reva said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy Birthday T! Hope you have a great year ahead :)

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Dear Tharini,

Happy birthday ... Hope you have a wonderful year ...I am getting used to this quiet Tharini :) Quite and me cannot be together - may be have to learn it from you...

Sujatha Ramesh

noon said... Best Blogger Tips

Wish you a very happy birthday! Glad you had a nice, peaceful birthday!
I get you - about wishing for discipline! I pray for it too in my own way!

scarlettwrites said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy birthday, Tharini. May all your days in the coming year be bright and peaceful, the makers of lovely memories.

Much love,
Scarlett

mnamma said... Best Blogger Tips

Belated birthday wishes Tharini!! The card is beautifully done. Very sweet of him to add those personalized touches after you pointed out to him. Glad you had a wonderful day.

Nishita said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy Birthday T....have a fantastic year !!
Love,

myparrot said... Best Blogger Tips

happy bday tharini :)
wonderful blog. simple but cool :)
Regards
George
http://myparrot.wordpress.com/

MyGrahak said... Best Blogger Tips

Happy Birthday to you and may you keep posting more and more this year. Happy new year. It is usually different at the other side of 30 and me like you love to rock the 30s.


Divya Bhaskar
MyGrahak.com

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