Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Of lists and life...
The days that blur and pass dizzyingly by in the 9 to 5 auto mode, came to a grinding halt. Feelings buried deep down rise to the surface. And I feel....touched. Not in that warm, fuzzy way. But as a range of emotions sloshing about in your heart all at once, touching it, waking it up....forcing it to recognise itself.
I am a little sad that his life has already entered that place where keeping a list has become necessary. Where it is measured by tasks undertaken and completed. Where accountability is called for. Sigh. Independence is such a short lived thing. An illusion really. Though innocence might have a longer life span.
And then I feel pride. That he was finding a method for management and using it to stick close to the lines of self-conduct. That he was getting organised.
And then amusement. At the line items on his list. And how he dates each one. And how important those things are to him. How getting it done matters.
And then reflection. At how we all have our lists....well, the control attemptors anyway....and how we put on the list, things that we deem important enough to do, that we cannot afford to forget. And how if we put together all our lists over out lifetime, we can maybe even see a pattern in them, a thread that connects each one, and weaves the story of our lives...well, the active bits of it anyway.
I love making lists. Its the only way I can keep a hold on things and stop my mind from taking over me completely. I have lists for things I need to do like get car sticker, and library book drop and e-school sign up and so on. Things that I don't have to do everyday, but they come up and can just as easily be forgotten. I make a list of things to do before a big trip and a list of all the things I need to pack that I just can't do without. If I am hosting, I make a list of what food I want to cook and keep ticking it off after each one is done. I make lists at work for scheduling myself, on excel and outlook calenders. But my favorite is on a regular sticky note, stuck on the side of the monitor. There is something about writing the task down physically that makes you feel like you are truly committing to it, and something about physically striking it off, that gives you a sense of closure. And then that finally tear and toss, that feels like liberation. And achievement. And superhuman-ship.
Welcome Dear Winkie, to the world of making lists. As you embark on this journey of a life of doing and performing, I wish for you every success, but tempered by every possible measure of balance. That while you make lists to get out of your head every once in a while, the list doesn't become you. That striking each item off, doesn't become your vocation. That the tasks you get done don't become your sole identity. That the thought of doing it all doesn't keep you up at night. That every once in a while, whether it be on your smart device or notepad, you can be master of the fine art of tear and toss. And drift and dream. Ever.